My husband and I havent been married for such a long time but we do have custody of his two kids an 11 yr old girl and a 10 yr boy. The little seems to be a great girl who loves her father to death, since the mother isnt really in the picture. My husband and i decided for me to stay at home for me to care for the kids and for me to get close to them. My step son is great he might get in mischieve once in a while but for the most part he listens and respects my discipline actions, but in the other hand his daughter defies me all the time which i dont understand. She loves talking to me about boys she thinks are cute and school friends and we even look up things together on you tube. We seem to get along great but at times she can get her self into trouble. She is addicted to her cell phone and it got taken away for bad grades but now that she does not have her cell is using the house telephone and asked her a couple of time to lay off. But one day she decided to be on it all day and i told her if she didnt get off i was going to call her dad and she agreed to get off the phone but about an hour later she was on the phone again. When i asked her "what happened to our conversation earlier?' she aswered me with attitude my dad said it was okay. I called my husband and he said he did agree with her using the phone and i asked her why is he taking away the punishment he gave to her; which i was trying enforce. I dont know what to do if i should go with my motherly instincts and be firm or if i should just let her do as she pleases and pass me heartaches with my husband and headaches with her?? I need help
Answers & Comments
I can definitely understand what you want to do. She should definitely have the phone taken away and then have the rule enforced. That's the only way she'll learn. Your husband needs to be more firm on things, no offense. I'm with you all the way. The problem is, he's the dad who's been there all her life and that's the way she's been raised. She isn't going to respond well if you start putting in rules all at once. It's only natural that she'll have an attitude like that. You're going to have to have a BIG talk with your husband about your desire to help as a parent. It's really admirable that you want to do so because SO many people don't even care about their spouse's kids. Anyway, I think yeah, that's the way you have to go: you're going to have to get the dad's support on things and do these things gradually. Eventually, she'll see the point, I think. But you both have to be firm all the time! Hang in there and good luck! :)
Old story. You and "Dad" need to sit little "Princess" down together, (you may include the boy also), and explain that YOU are the adult and in charge and what ever one says, is from both of you. The both of you need to agree that you will back up each other. Kids will push parents to see how far they can go and they always play one against the other. Taking away privileges is a good idea. Scenario>> She does something wrong. You tell her no phone calls at all. When Dad gets home, he and you, together reiterate the discipline.
She is just getting older. You need to sit and have a talk with her. Let her know thatyou love her. Tell her that you are not trying to take her mother's place, but that you need her to realize that when you have to punish her or correct her, it is because you want her to learn how to be the best that she can be. Tell her that you will never give up on her, and that you are proud to be able to be in her life. Make her feel special and loved. She will still get mad sometimes when you correct her, but she will always know that she is loved. That is what will make the difference when she is making her own decisions later in life. By the way, it will get worse. The teenage years are very difficult, but hang in there. When they hit about 17, they start acting like they have sense again. They do actualy hear you, even when they argue or act like they don't. Those are the typical ages for girls to start exerting their independence. For boys it lasts longer.
If you try and use your motherly instincts it will only make it worse. Your not her mother, don't try and act like you are. My step mom trys to be my friend, if I get in trouble she lets my dad punish me. You guys should do that to, it kind of works.
Edit - If your husband see's it fit to punish her, than so be it. She is his daughter and it is his job to punish her, not yours.
If your husband doesn't see it fit to punish her, than I suggest you lay off.
Take away her privileges and don't let her run over you. Put your foot down. You pay bills in that house, she doesn't