A really close friend called me with a problem and I have no idea how to help her. She was putting pictures on her husbands phone and found nude male photos, lots of them. She checked his web browser and found he is looking up gay porn on a daily basis while at work. He also looks up women to meet on craigslist. My boyfriend doesn't even watch porn (odd I know LOL) so I'm lost as what advice to give her.
What upset her the most was when she confronted him about it, she was upset more about the craigslist meetings than the porn. He flipped out, called her names, packed his things and left but came back almost immediately. They "talked" but he wouldn't really explain things to her, just kept saying they are just pictures, with no explanation of the women on craigslist. She just wants to know what is going on but he won't talk and now acts like everything is back to normal but she can't get over him hiding things from her. I tried talking to him without giving away that I knew what the fight was about hoping he would open up since I've known him my whole entire life and he knows I won't judge him but he won't talk. Any advice?
Update:This isn't happening to me, I would post if it was and I would also know what I personally would be doing. It's hard not knowing all the details and her expecting me to give her good advice. She has told me a lot but I'm sure there are other things left out. I feel so bad for her and can't imagine how hard this is. I've been cheated on but never anything like this.
Answers & Comments
1
I think there is no smoke without fire when a man is looking at porn and looking to meet women online. It is quite obvious that this man is not completely satisfied with his sex life with his wife, and she needs to get him to be honest about that subject to see if there is anything she can do to improve that. It would take a lot of humility on her behalf to put up with the gay porn, because obviously she cannot compete with another man! I know he is not looking to meet men for gay sex, but he must be at least curious about homosexuality. I think that they really need to see someone like the Relate organisation to try and sort this out with someone impartial. It would have to be an extremely strong marriage to survive this, and only your friend and her husband know if this is the case.
He got mad cause he got ashamed, and he got caught. He defenatly has a problem if he is meeting up with the casual sex addicts on craigslist! Tell her to get checked ASAP for STD's her husband might have given her. He has been living this other life while lying and cheating on his wife, he needs some help in dealing with his addiction, and she will need help in dealing with him and her marriage. She needs to decide if she still feels there is enough in the marriage left to fight for. Please get her to some counciling to help her cope, its going to be a rough road. Good luck and hope it works out for her. He has made a lot of bad choices and now has to be accountable for them.
Sounds like he could be bi sexual. If he is looking at gay porn and having pictures of men in his phone. No straight man would ever want to have pictures of nude men in their phone, at least not any straight men I know.. And as far as looking women up on craigslist, he could be looking to have an affair. Why else would he be looking up real life women on websites that he could possible meet. Its one thing when a man is looking at porn and pictures of women online but when he is going to websites to try and meet real women, obviously its because he is looking to have sex with them.
She definitely has a lot on her plate. If it was me, I couldn't stay with a man after finding all of that. She deserves better.
IMO I'd be telling the friend to contact a lawyer for divorce. Its a matter of time before he's cheating on her with other men and women. He's pissed off because he was caught - he has a serious problem and doesn't want to admit it.
I certainly would not be sleeping with him.
The dude is bisexual. There are a LOT of married bisexual men who discover that part of themselves after they went the marriage and family life route. It happens a lot more often than most people might know. If he's trying to hook up with people on Craiglist then she needs to watch out. There are a lot of sleazy people on that site and if he's hooking up with them then she probably doesn't want to be having unprotected sex with him anymore.
He's cheating. She should get tested, then divorce him.. She deserves someone who wouldn't even think of doing those things!
It sounds like this isnt your friend like if this is happening to you and not a supposibly friend o.0 just tell your "friend" to tell him to tell her the truth! Or shell leave him and will file for divorce. Good luck
You're friend is married to a sex addict, who probably has a variety of diseases.
I would leave him