May 2021 10 87 Report
I don't understand...am I gay?

you think by 19 i'd have this figured out. how the hell am i supposed to? I have never liked a guy before, only girls. I have been in love (yes IN LOVE, with two. INFATUATED with these girls). I haven't had sex with a girl yet though I really want to eventually. my gut is that I am straight, but sometimes i find guys bodies way better looking. i don't understand. i don't feel happy at all when I picture myself with a dude, my family wouldn't even care if i was gay, at all. its just I feel like i'd rather live alone than with another man. i miss the feelings i once had for this girl, didn't want her out of my arms. now it's like...i get too paranoid and don't even think i will fall for a girl again. i can't picture myself being the girl in a gay relationship, and i DEFINITELY can't picture myself dating "the girl" in a gay relationship. ive only liked girls since i was little. my brother came out when i was 13 and since then ive been soooo paranoid about being gay. he's liked boys since he was little, but i have not. i don't get it.

the father I want to be, the husband i want to be who holds his wife.......I feel like i'm losing it all, i feel like im going to end up being stuck in a gay relationship which is the complete opposite of what deep down i really want. what the hellll do i do. maybe im bi? i have no idea....i fantasize about chicks most of the time, and get sooooo completely down when i realize that i can also get off to guys if i really wanted to. im just saddened. when you are being "yourself" you should be happy. when i picture myself being gay, im not happy. it doesn't feel like me, i feel like i have lost my core

Update:

i obsess about this, all day, every day. i constantly check to see which gender i am more turned on by. i have said many times to myself how i can't wait to su*k the life out of a (|) ..... not a d!ck! this could be that HOCD crap, i really don't know anymore.


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