My sister who is 20 years old, and still very much like a little kid, wants to marry her first boyfriend. The guy is a huge mooch and is totally disrespectful of my family. He also controls what she does whether it's what she wears or what she says! She's in this little world that he's the perfect guy and she doesn't see what he's doing to her. My mom is all for them getting married.. which confuses me. I don't know what to do about this whole thing! She's never had to work for anything in her life and now she thinks that she should get married? He has isolated her from her friends and her family. I've tried to talk to her about him but he's pretty much brainwashed her.
And I know the whole "it's her business" thing, but I know my sis more than anyone else and she's let herself be turned into a puppet.
Update:They have been dating for a year. I thought he was nice in the beginning until I saw what he was like. My sister never really had anyone like her so she won't let this guy go.. How can I convince her to find a new guy? He's a suck-up to my mom so talking to my mom doesn't help.
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your obviously just trying to look out for her but it seems that in this situation it's best to let her do what she wants. eventually she will realize what he's really like. my older sister's (she's 19 and i'm 16) dated real ******* before and never listened to me until they hurt her. it's really hard to see this happen to someone who you really love, but it seems like talking to her is like talking to a wall. if you have already given it a good try and it hasn't work than just move on. it probably will hurt you a lot, but just think about how much your sister will learn from this experience in due time. if you really want, for dramatic effect, at the wedding you could say something when they say "any one who thinks they should not be married speak now", but that may create some unneeded tension. i do not doubt what you say about this man one little bit and you are very lucky to be able to see the situation for what it is. you see the real reality instead of trying to hide it or cover it up.
Ok.. Does your sister look happy??? If she is not sad and he is not hurting her in a way that she could tell then you should let time take its course. You can't really tell your sister anything to change her mind because like u said, she is head over heels. Your sister has to learn her own lesson. She is the one that has to realize what is best for her. She has to hit her head first in order to realize everything you are saying. Hey, if it doesn't work out after they get married then she can just divorce him. Like my uncle says, if it doesn't work out then just let it go not matter if you are married. However, it could get complicated if your sister were to get pregnant. This you can talk to her about. Tell her that you think she should wait until she is older to have babies so that she can enjoy her husband before having the responsibility of caring for a child. Be tactful, and don't mention that you are saying this because you dont like him for her.
Hope this helps
I've had friends who've fallen for guys like this...you can tell them till you're blue in the face but it wont make any difference. She'll more than likely do what she wants but just be in the wings to pick up the pieces if and when it all goes wrong. Its hard to step back and watch a train wreck but if this guy is who you say he is then your sis is going to need your support eventually. Good luck with that.
Well... i would talk to the boy. not alone because he can like over power you if he gets mad. I assure you that if she thinks that she is ready then maybe she is... it sounds like she loves this man a lot... maybe you don't see something that she does in the guy... but if she is making a mistake she will notice it....like 1-2 months after they are married.
oh gosh, they really shouldn't get married at such a young age, especially to a guy like that...
but your in a hard position because if you tell him to leave her or threaten him and she finds out because she "loves" him it will be very difficult to gain her respect back and it may push her away even more.
very tough i guess you just have to spend more time with her build up a strong relationship take her to coffee or meals talk to her more,
dont tlk to her as if your telling her what to do, but maybe explain your first boyfriend or a bad person you have dated that didn't work,
good luck
it would be a shame to get a divorce at such a young age because of being "in love"!
if u cant help her anymore... then stop.. i mean like... let her get what she want.. when she's hurt.. like... divorced or something like that... then u tell her.... i told u... ^.^ ... but.. that's just the evil side of me...
for the good side...i'll go to her room.. with her inside of course... without his boyfriend also...and look at her face.. then tell her everything u know.. if she said just 1 words.. say SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK 1ST... and add this line " even if this is your business, it involves our family, it involves me, that means i should help u, and if u think i'm not.. then go marry with him.. i cant stop u... it's ur life..., if it's broken, don't come and find me, find mom "
it is her choice
urs might be diff
if someone likes rose u cant ask why u like it if there other flowers too
it is how it is
if u do something bad abt their marrage
u will lose u r lilttle sis that u love veryyyyy much forever
just watch things going!
it might be something good in that man that u havnt watched but ur lil sis knows.
Just stay out of it, it's her choice. Plus, she will hate you if you keep badmouthing him. And she might even stop talking to you altogether until he finally breaks her heart and leaves her.
Then she will FINALLY say you're right and you'll feel GREAT.
Atleast she might end up getting half his stuff someday, right?
what are you going to do? its her life, maybe someday she will wake up. but your conscience will be clear.you tried to tell her.
you have to let her make her own mistakes