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I'm so sorry.

I had a D&C while I was awake too, but my OB-GYN gave me some drug to make me forget. I can't believe you didn't get the same thing. I remember crying and some tube things and my husband looking freaked out, but that's it. That makes me angry that they made you go through that.

All I can say is it will get better. Just focus on today, getting through today. Hopefully your husband is an awesome, stand up guy and you can lean on him. That's what helped me the most. Also, I had God and my church family. I had a lot of people say some really stupid things to me, but many woman were very transparent and told me about their miscarriages and/or D&Cs.

If there's a support group in your area, maybe check that out. I'd call your OB-Gyn or the hospital for referrals. But please, reach out to someone.

About getting pregnant again, here's my story in a nutshell:

December 13th, 1998, official miscarriage when baby died.

December 20th, 1998, D&C for infection.

Cleared to "try again March, 1999.

Two pink lines, April, 1999.

December 20th, 1999, Official due date

December 13th, 1999, My son was born.

I did have complete healing and I know you can too. Lean on God and your family and friends. Follow the doctors advice. Rest a lot and take care of yourself. Give yourself plenty of time to heal, no time limits.

Take care. Big hug!!

Septic Miscarriage

HI there, I am so sorry for your loss. I have has several miscarriages and I understand what you are going through. It is okay to cry and it is okay to mourn your loss. I am sorry that you have such terrible memories of the d & c. It will take a little while to stop feeling like crying, but one day soon you will find that you go a morning without bursting into tears and then a day and so on. Time really helps to heal your wounds. I had 6 miscarriages and lost one baby immediately after birth, and I want you to know that while you will probably never forget, you will be okay. I was told I could start trying agin in 1-3 months....or when I felt up to it, and I didn't have a hard time getting pregnant again, my miscarriages were due to a clotting disorder, which took them a while to find out, I would really talk to your doctor and find out what the chances are of this happening again, etc. Take care of yourself, remember it is okay to cry and feel sad, overwhelmed, angry, and remember too that your hormones are going to be up and down too....take it easy if you can. Feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions or want to talk, sometimes that is what got me through the day. God bless.

Im really sorry for your loss. I can only imagine. My daughter had a miscarriage and it was really hard for her. It is good to talk about your feelings and get them out. Some day, you will feel better, the memory will always there, but it won't be so bad. I don't have answers on when you should try again. I thought I had heard you should wait a while, but don't know how long. Ask your doctor all these questions. God bless.

Your grief is legitimate. Cry all you need to. Your hormones should get back on track in a few months time. Give your body about six months to heal in order to give another pregnancy the best chance possible.

As for the doctor not having given you a general anesthesia, he was a jerk. I had a similar experience and my doctor made sure I was under general. If anything like this ever happens to you again, make sure that either you or your husband take charge and ensure that you are given a general.

For now, you and your husband need to hold each other and cry. May God bless and keep you safe.

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I had a miscarriage about 6 years ago. It was one of the hardest things to cope with. Time heals. Make sure you have enough time to grieve over your loss before you try again. I can't imagine how horrible your procedure was. You might think about going through a little counseling. Take care of yourself. You will have a baby when the time is right. Time will heal. :)

I'm really sorry for your loss. I have no words of advice from experience.

Just wanted you to know that in comforting friends who have also miscarried, later they always said the best advice for them was to start trying again as soon as they were physically able.

Good Luck.

I am so very sorry for your loss. My situation first so you know I feel your pain....

At 19, in college, just married I found out I was pregnant - it was the child I wanted someday, but didn't know I wanted then until it happened. I carried the baby for 4 1/2 months, the wednesday before my world crashed I had gone for a check up and the doctors said they could feel the baby moving and that my womb had gotten larger.

I was scheduled for an ultrasound the next week, but began spotting... I called the doctors who I had to fight to get in to see them... I knew something wasn't right. During the ultrasound, they couldn't "find the baby" - all they could see is a big black hole - I'll never forget that. Finally the doctor came in to tell me my baby had died.

I too had to go for a D&C, and was awake during the operation. It wasn't until the pathology report came back that said my baby had died at 5 weeks gestation that I knew that I had carried my baby dead for so long.

The doctors explained what a miracle pregancy is and how many factors have to be perfect for a baby to be born healthy. It truly is miraculous.

I spent months in true deep depression.. I didn't know how to laugh or smile, what could I talk about to other people - what was gossip or chatter, all I could think of was all the hopes and dreams of the time with my baby that I had missed out on... I would go places and people would scream at their children and I would want to shout at them , "Do you realize what a true gift you have?" I felt so hurt, angry and lost. It seemed there was no one to talk to about it that could understand - I was utterly alone.

My husband was relieved, my mother said it was a blessing, his mother said since the baby died so early, it wasn't even a real baby... and I was so very sad.

To be honest, I cried so much I cannot tell you... I screamed, I raged, but, slowly over time, I cried a little less, I gave a name to that baby so I could speak of her (or would it have been a him?) with true love for my child, over time I raged less... But to be honest, for about 7 years, I mourned that child with all my heart.

Then, I began to slowly come to terms... thought I couldn't get pregnant again.. gave up and just lived. And, that's when I got my own little blessing. I got pregnant and though they sent me home three times saying the placenta was detaching and to make arrangements for her - to tell her goodbye, I prayed, and loved, and somehow she made it through... now she's three in the other room and breathing softly in her dreams..

For me, I decided not to try it again... I love her dearly and she has given me so much life - I'm afraid if I lose another child I will lose my mind... and she needs me so much. Slowly, she has helpled fulfill that hole left in me so long ago. I won't say it's gone - every now and then when my daughter does something, I still mourn for my other child and wonder what life would have been for her - but know how blessed I am for this day with this child and savor that moment.

I would give myself plenty of time for my body to heal - at the time that I suffered my loss, the doctors advised a year - to heal from the heartache and to let my body heal... in the meantime I got into prime condition to have another child - I became healthy in mind and heart.

I'll tell you honestly - Honey, it's been 11 years and sometimes I still cry for Bailee... somethings that truely helped - I gave my child a name, because she was so young, they didn't give me the choice of a funeral - but I collected some baby things, put them into a box, went to a favorite quiet place, and buried those things there... and I still visit and sit under the tree, look out on the water, and talk to her.

But, as the saying goes, time heals all things... even your broken heart... it takes a different amount of time for all people, with different mourning processes and coping....

please write me even if you just need to pour out your own thoughts - I know how sometimes you just need to get it all out and how most people truly do not understand.

Take it one breath at a time...

Wildflower

its noraml your body is trying to adjust but to normal because you went from pregant to not pregant it got a little tide up there its your blood changing colors as it is mixing with discharge and the afterbirth fluids its okay if you start bleeding really really bad go to hospaital immediately sorry to hear about your lost