Step daughter and husband?

May 2021 5 100 Report

Step daughter and husband?

My 8 yr old. step daughter stays with us once a week and every other weekend. I just had a baby 2 mons ago. before my baby was born she slept alone. Now she always needs my husband to sleep with her sometimes he sleeps with me after she goes to sleep, but she just wakes up calling for him loudly (btw my baby sleeps in his own room) I hate he sleeps with her every night. It separates us more than we already are. I understand she co sleeps with her mom but this just started with us. How do I approach my husband with this? What would u do?

Family & Relationships / Marriage & Divorce

Emily

She just misses her dad and now that there's a new baby around, she's afraid she's not going to get attention anymore. I think he needs to sit down and talk with her about how just because there's a new baby, doesn't mean that he loves her any less. He also needs to explain that babies require a lot of time. She's just trying to get time with him while she can because she doesn't see him often. I think it would help a lot if they had days where it was just him and her. Whether it's going to the park and getting ice cream, or just going to a movie. I think that them having a little time to themselves would help with her sleeping alone.

???

Older children tend to revert and in situations like yours, older children will need more comfort than usual. It's healthy for your child for your husband to be doing this for his daughter. It means she's getting what she needs to accept and care for your baby. Stop thinking about the one night a week and every other weekend that you're losing with your hubby and the lifetime of connection between the kids that your husband is helping to establish.

If I were you, I would start researching normal, healthy kid behavior and try to focus more on their needs than my inconveniences.

Anonymous

Bring the step-daughter into your bed, with you and your husband.

Yeah, we don't DO that in North America.

But there is nothing wrong with the "family bed" concept. It provides a lot of emotional security for kids when they are feeling insecure and need the reassurance.

And once they find their emotional footing again, they don't want to sleep with the parents .. they seek out their own place.

I know one couple who raised 5 children with the "family bed" concept. They started out in mom and dad's bed, and as they moved themselves out when they got older (around age 6) ...

All of these kids are exceptionally psychologically healthy, well-balanced, successful in ALL areas of life (career, marriage, etc).

If his daughter needs extra assurance, give it to her now. But don't let her pull you and your husband out of the same bed. Likely, it's the new baby coming along that makes her feel really insecure about dad's love for her. But she has to learn that she has to and that she CAN share her daddy .. with you, and with her new step-sibling too.

With there being a new baby she is just wanting more attention. Try to plain something so that not only does she get one on one time with each of you but that she gets time with all of you. Shes just being a kid.