I'll try to make a long story short. I met this guy dated for about a year long distance. Move with him to another state with my 3 kids. I finished putting myself through college and now I want to work. He does and he wants me to, but 2 of 3 kids need rides to shool, 1 has regular appts. 2 times a week in the middle of the day, and 2 have sports in the evening. I also am going back for my 2nd degree in 2 months fulltime. The step parent says he doesnt have time to help me with juggeling schedules or help in taking the kids palces so I can work. I mention moving closer to town so we are not 5 miles from everything and the kids could walk, but he says no. I know no one and he hasnt really bonded withthe kids. Should I just make the move or any ideas welcome......
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You have to do what is best for you AND your children. So far, it sounds like you've done what felt right for you and it isn't working out. This man is NOT responsible for helping with YOUR kids, but it would be nice if he helped a little bit. Evidently, he isn't going to and doesn't want to help, so you have to take matters into your own hands.
Move your kids closer to town where they can ride the bus to school (even if they don't want to). Talk with some of the other parents at school and see if you can make arrangements for rides for your kids who play sports.
When you are interviewing for jobs, try to find something with more flexibility so you can take the child with all the appointments to them without jeopardizing your position or using your vacation and sick time. Also, check to see if you can make her appointments late in the day, even if it means changing doctors or whatever.
Get involved with the school and join a church where you can form some friendships and do some networking, since you don't know anybody and don't seem to have any relatives close by.
You might even try moving back to the town where you know people or have relatives near that could help out. regardless, you need to do what is best for your family and find a man who is willing to be a mentor to your children.
Other than him financially supporting you, I don't see any benefit to being with this guy. He obviously doesn't love your kids. It seems to me that you are (I'm going to be blunt) a live-in hooker. He doesn't seem to care that your living arrangements are bad for the kids, location wise. I hope you're not making your kids call him Dad. He isn't acting like a dad, and putting a roof over their heads just doesn't cut it in my books.
Make the move yourself. Perhaps you can work part-time until these logistic issues of middle of day appointments are done with. Does the kids' father pay child support? You would certainly get more financial support from the government, no? This doesn't seem like an opportune time for you to be going back to school for a second degree either. The kids are in enough upheaval, and already lacking the support and love from a father figure, so please don't be selfish. A second degree is for your own ego.
It sounds like this man wanted you in his life, but not your kids. However, when you get involved with someone with kids it is a package deal. I would not expect him to share 1/2 the responsibility for kids that are not his, but he could help some. He has made it apparent he has no time to assist with the parenting of your children and you have a long, lonely road ahead of you. He wants you to work and take time away from your family, but he is not willing to help by giving time to your kids.
Get out now. He is not going to change his mind. You need to do what is best for your kids, and that is to be in a loving, supportive home. They are only children once, and you don't want to have any regrets.
Have you sat down with him and talked, to find out why he is not willing to help shuffle the kids around? It might be that he does not have that kind of flexibility with his job, in which case you can't expect him to. What about looking for a part-time job, or a job where you can work from home, to have the flexibility you need. If you move, are you really going to be better off?
Kids first men next and working could be more awkward that its rewards ,cant you just wait until kids are adults? You have moved them about enough already for this fella. 'he hasnt really bonded with the kids' You only dated a few months he is NOT their stepdad!
Why are you still with him? You are being extremely dippy and selfish, and kidding yourself on he is more than a short term bf!
YOUR kids -are YOUR responsibility!
Eh he is totally not supporting you.....but......you also have to make sure your not taking on to many tasks. Its great you want to work but you also have to make sure the timing is right. And he should help you out, if he loves you it wouldnt even be a question.
i think you should do wats best for YOU & YOUR KIDS.
Family comes first.
-Crysz Babii