i havent ever made myself sick, although i really want to but even though i hate my body and myself for that matter, i can never stick my fingers down my throught.. does this mean i have an eating disorder?

i hate my body

i sont lkike going to social events

im self concious

i hate looking at my body

i want to hit my stomach

i dream of having a skinny tummy

i want to make my friends eat so they are bigger than me

i cry a lot of the time, sometimes for no reason..

since im too scared to be sick, i was thinking could i get laxatives and have one to loose the weight? :s

please answer, im desperate X

**** SAKE, NO DIET PILLS, I WANT PROPER ADVICE BECASUE THIS IS IMPORTANT