Tess got a call from the caseworker asigned to A and C the other day saying that it was reported that she had un clearanced ppl at her un supervised visit last week That 2 cars were there at 8 PM the only visitors tess had all day was at 3 before the boys got there. we have been struggling to think of who made that report until yesterday when tess calls to tell me that the foster mother drove through our complex during the visit so last night a 8 when the foster mom came to pick up the boys I was purposely taking out the trash and witness her having a conversation with one of our nieghbors trudy and they were talking like they they new each other well. Now we think trudys spying too this isn't the only time the caseworker has gotten a call the last time was to say that tess had 9 people at her place with the kids but didnt mention that most were kids. And all but one lived in the complex and the no one was inside her house she and the boys were outside and the caseworker already said it was fine for them to play with the niebors they just had to be outside only for now. Anyway for foster parents have you ever played dirty pool to try and mess ru up so you could adopt ? Has anyone heard of this period?
Update:These are not my children the are the children of a woman I've known my whole life. Its frustrating because these people have sabotaged the kids coming home twice and the caseworker believes whatever they say. They are setting a bad example to the community about foster Parents. On Tues I start MY foster parent licensing steps and I will never sabotage someone like this its insane
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I never have, mostly I worked directly with the parents, having them in my home etc. parent modelling and such.
There was one case, where I was more "reporting" than usual to social services, but never about me wanting to adopt, more soem very odd behaviours of the child after the visits. But this was my job.
I have seen though some foster parents hate so much the child's parents that they seem to work against it, ever so slightly moving the child away from their parents. It is awful to see.
I will say that this is exactly why I don't like "foster to adopt" programs. Fostering is fostering, adopting is adopting, two very different things. fostering with intent to adopt said child is then not fostering for the best outcome for hte child, but for themselves.
None that I have ever heard or known about. For 15 yrs we had an open door with the child's parents as long as it was ok with their caseworker.
In the true sense of the word we do not have the foster to adopt program. It is foster care BUT if the child becomes available for adoption foster parents have the first chance to adopt. They can not interfere with the child's plan and must abide by policy.
I DO know of lots of situations that were as this foster mom reported---other people at the visit, drinking, and other shenanigans going on. I have known where the parents have been given the the names and address of the foster parents and the child's parents showing up at the foster home without clearance or permission fro the FP's or worker. I have no doubt there are things that go on that shouldn't from time to time on everybodys part.
A friend of mine is a foster parent. She's never gone out of her way to "catch" one of the kid's parents doing wrong, and she's never made up lies about anyone, but she does see things that are inappropriate and need to be reported.
Don't give this woman anything to see. Be good. Be super good. Be open and "transparent". When you see her spying, invite her in. When you think she's spying, call her and invite her over. If she's talking to your neighbors, go over and say hi. Every time you see her, bring baked goods. Compliment her outfit. Kill this woman with kindness.
I never did this (but to be fair only had one placement and birth mom never even showed up for the first care meeting and never even tried to get him back)
I do know however in our class we were told and encouraged to be advocates for our foster children. We were told to look for signs of things happening after visitation. Talk to them after visitation to see if anything inappropriate has gone on. Then report it. This is for the unsupervised visits obviously if the child gets to that point.
I know also talking to people they get frustrated because they don't believe the first parent is clean, no longer abusive etc. and they think they are sending a child into a bad situation
Don't give the foster parents anything to report, and you won't need to worry about it. Meanwhile, of course foster parents can become attached to the children they care for. They are often very frusrtrated by bio parents' behaviors and can even be judgmental, at times. They are just human. If they love your kid, they are probably going to look out for them.
However, foster parents are not necessarily hoping to adopt. Even if they were, it doesn't matter...as long as you are following your treatment plan and doing what you need to do, the system itself is designed to get your kids home. Stop obsessing over the foster parents and pay attention to you kids. They need you, and you are letting yourself be distracted by things you can't control, anyway.
good luck.
Kerrie K Wheeler, LCPC