So I had autism all my life, but my parents did not tell me until I was 10; and ever since then I started hating myself. I literally had a miserable childhood because I could not accept myself this way.

Whenever I said something that seemed weird, or whenever autism came up, I started to beat myself up. I would literally slam my face in the door because of how god made me. Also as a kid, I refused to play with other kids and was inside studying 9 hours a day because I thought I was "stupid".

Now I am 19 and not happy. I am always trying to "change" myself instead of being myself. I cannot stop saying negative things and don't know what to do? Can someone please help me?