I'm 14 years old and live with my mother and step dad. I have always been known as an angry person in my family, and sometimes at school. I don't usually show my anger at school, it's about the only time i can either control a proportion or a certain amount of it, depending on the situation. I have many friends, and many enemies. At home i play a game on my Xbox 360 called Black Ops 2. It's a violent game which involves you shooting another person to gain points, depending on the game mode. Anyway, i usually end up rage quitting every single match now, and have a great urge to hit something hard, it's normally my door that gets damaged. my door looks terrible now, and i feel all my emotions come out of it once i hit it. I get agitated by my family very easily, or anyone making the slightest continuous noise. I shout at my mum a lot, and anyone who annoys me knows who there messing with. once i cry in anger, i feel there is no turning back ,and i rage throughout my house, or where ever i am. I have never self harmed myself, but i think of anyway possible in my head of damaging or killing people in all sorts of gory ways. Which kinda disturbs me. The only real damage i could possibly see myself enduring is a broken knuckle or severely bruised hand. As i feel no pain when im hitting the object im hitting after being angry. I have broke many games in the past, but have been disciplined for it. it's not just games, i have hit people out of reaction and not hurt them, but i think they may have covered the pain up. And immediately felt embarrassed and very sorry. I usually never think of the consequences i just cover them up, and believe everything's fine. I have had a lot of family arguments and fights. My mum and i had a massive argument, it ended up with me and my mum battling each other, we wrestled and usually it was me who kept brushing her off onto the wall, she chased me up into my room, and when she did she made me very angry, and when she did i started crying, and then she taunted me, so i hit her on the arm, she quickly restrained me. In the end i apologized. it's happened thousands of times before that anyway, i have been since the age of 9-10. I can control some part of my anger and have went to a anger managements class. Which didn't help at all. i do realise sometimes if i hit that it will hurt like last time. But sometimes the rage is too much. I have had a traumatic life when i was really young, and some of my memories have been blocked. My dad committed suicide when i was 4. And i remember the day like last year. But other memories have been fading. But not the good ones. My mum definitely recognises my anger but never made it clear at the doctors what i may have. I experience heart palpitations, chest tightness, head pressure and muscle spasms or tightness. Sometimes whilst rage and often all regularly. Some people say im horrible, but i just seem to not be able to control it when it gets out if hand, please reply!