So, a few years ago my mom left my dad and we moved in with our grandparents. My mom took us to our dads parents to visit and then she left to go to work. We were spending the night and my dad showed up. He told everyone he was going to take us school shopping but, he kidnapped us and took us back to Texas. While we were there, I was so lonely. My mom had been my best friend for as long as I can remember. A few hours ago we had a major fight and she told me to grow up and to get a personality because I tend to stay home and read and write than i do hanging out with friends. She also said i have to stop following her everywhere and acting like a lost puppy. So, i was honest and i told her i was afraid of being alone. I guess I'm so afraid of being lonely again because I stay home where I know everyone and i know someone will be here. I was so hurt i cried a bit but, I still have my sister :\
Any who, can anyone give me advice? I don't know what to do. I feel like my mom doesn't really care for me as much as i do for her.
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It sounds like mom has put what happened to you behind her, but you haven't. It's something that has stayed with you, and that's normal. You likely need to talk to a counselor, a professional to help you get over being afraid to be alone. You won't have mom around all the time or forever, and you don't want to grow up clingy ~ no one will like that, and others may try to take advantage of your vulnerability (especially guys). You don't want to rely too much on your sister either. You want to be able to rely on yourself, and become a stronger person.
If you think you can talk to a school counselor, go talk to them about finding someone to help you. If you don't feel comfortable with that, call a free 800 hotline to talk to someone. You can call anonymously. There are a lot of free numbers listed here > http://www.ehow.com/about_4761425_hotlines-trouble... Call until you find someone who "clicks" with you, and don't be disillusioned if you have to call more than one; keep trying until you find someone who will listen and help you. When you talk to them, tell them what you've said here and about your problems. Also, ask them to give you names and numbers or professionals in your area that you can go talk to in person. You may need a little bit of regular counseling to get stronger; it's no disgrace, and it's normal to need someone to help. Just drum up the courage, and make the first call, and it'll get easier.
If money is an issue, call your local health department (Google to find their number). The people at those hotlines can probably help you with this, too. The health dept. should have counselors somewhere in your area who work based on what you're able to pay (sliding scale).
You may have to ask mom to take you and pay for some of this either with insurance or sliding scale. You'll need to sit down with her and tell her you need to talk to someone unbiased and who's a professional. Tell her you want to get stronger and not be afraid to be alone, and need help to do that. Pick the right time. Don't talk to mom when she's angry or tired.
take care.