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Hello.

How have you been?<<그다음에 님 안부를 여기다 쓰세요.

I was<< 이 linking verb도 마찬가지에요. 처음 그 소식을 들었을때 그랬고 아직도 그러니깐, 이런경우엔 과거형이 아니라 현재로 써야해요. so pleased to hear that you were<< 이단어는 과거형이 잖아요. 친구분이 아직도 건강하지기 때문에, 현재로 바꾸세요. healthy and "you studied hard."<<여기 이문장이 잘 안이어져있잖아요. 그냥 다음 문장으로 옮겨요.

How was you final? <<주로 우린 짤라서 기말고사를 그냥 기말이라고 하죠.

If you got the score you wanted, congratulations!<<congratulations는 오타이였나 봅니다. 제가 고쳤어요.

Even though you didn't get the score you wanted, it's okay. << 이건 문장을 고치세요. 님이 쓴뜻은 점수가 벌써 안좋게 나온것 처럼 들려요. 님은 말하고 싶은게 그게 아니잖아요. 이렇게 고쳐보세요. 이경우엔 Even though는 벌써 일어난 일을 확신을 주는 말이 니깐요, if로 바꿔보세요.

I'm still proud of you. << I am도 맞지만, 그래도 음 쓸때 읽고 들었을때 이것이 좀더 자연스러워요.

Also, your drawing is always fantastic.<< 이문장 시작하기 전에 다음 세 paragraph을 만드세요.

I'm good at drawing, too. We have something in common. ^_^<<벌써 말했드시 또 I am쓰면 딱딱하니깐 I'm로 한번 바꿔쓰세요.

Your best friend is Adam Sabcoda, right?

Please tell him that I'm glad that he's your best friend. <<happy 라는 단어는 좀 애매하고 정확한 단어가 아니에요. 이럴땐 우린 주로 glad 을써요. 그리고 단축어를 쓰면 영어가 좀더 부드럽고 자연스럽게 느겨져요.

Have a lot of fun with him!<< 이건 잘 모르셔서 쓰셨을거에요. 좀 삐딱하게 생각하면 아주 변태적인 맨트거든요? 그래서 뭐 좋은 추억을 만들었으면 좋겠다라는 뜻으로 썼으니깐, 재밌게 놀았으면 좋겠다라고 고쳐드렸어요. "I hope you guys have lots of fun."

I read that you liked Momo and fish.

I know Momo!<<오타

I also want to taste it.

I've never been to Nepal before, but I've heard that Nepal is a beautiful country. Plus, they said to me that Momo is very delicious.<<many times는 뺐어요 왜냐하면 그말이 님 전달하고 싶은 문장에 필요없다고 생각해서구요, 그리고 그런 이야기를 들었다고 그러시면 당연히 피플에게 들었겠죠, 그래서 피플에게 들었다구는 필요없어요. Plus라는 단어는 문장쓸때는 전혀안써요. 표준어가 아니거든요. 그래서 문장을 합쳐보세요. "...but I've heard that Nepal is a beautiful country and Momo is very delicious."

Oh, there must have been miscommunication.<<이거는 과거서 일어난 일을 수동태로 다시 살펴보는 일이 잖아요. 그럼 당연히 past perfect을 써야죠.

It is true that I write fairy tales, but I write it in Korean, not English.<< Fairy tales는 복수의 잖아요. 그러니간 그단어의 대명사는 them 이지 it이 아니죠.

I think that I need to study English more to write it in English.<<같은 이유로 여기가 it이 아니고 them 이죠.

However, my niece who now live in England wrote the fairy tale in English and made it in a book.

<<조카분이 한명이기 때문에 live는 lives라고 써야되요. 님이 made it in a book이 아니라 made it into a book이에요. 왜냐하면 그뜻이 책으로 출판했다는게 아니라 동화를 짤라서 책으로 만들었다는 얘기잖아요. (한국어는 이렇게 쓰던지 저렇게 쓰던지 뜻이 똑같지만, 그래도 영어에는 분명한 차이가 있어요.)

I printed and enclosed it with this letter.<<이거는 숙어 문제에요. enclosed in로써요.

It is surprising that you can read English.

Did you learn it in school?<<이럴때는 do가 아니고 did에요 왜냐면 과거니깐요.

When I was at your age, I didn't know English at all. You are so smart.

Now it is really freezingly cold in Korea.<<춥다를 부사로 안써요. 그냥 "It's really cold in Korea"로 쓰세요. Now는 필요 없읍니다. 당연히 지금을 말하고 있는게 분명하니깐요.

A lot of people have severe influenza. I also catched a cold, but now I am getting better.<<우리말에는 article라늘게 없지요. 이경우엔 a를 안써요. 왜냐면 a 다음에 바드시 명사가 따르거든요. 그런데 severe는 형용사잖아요. 그리고 catch의 과거형이 caught이에요. 또 now라는 단어가 필요없어요. 지금이라는 게 분명하니깐요.

How about you?

안부인사는 편지 인사 부분에 써요. 글을 위로 옮기세요. 예를 들면 뭐 I'm fine how are you식으로요.

I pray that you and your family are happy and healthy.

Oh, I nearly forgot your best friend, Adam. ^_^

I also pray for his health and happiness.

Thank you for your prayer.

^^이름은요? ㅋㅋ

Dear [insert name],

Hello, how have you been? I'm pleased to hear that you are healthy and have been studying for your exams. How was your test? I hope you get the score that you wanted. If you did, then congratulations! I'm very proud of you. You've really become better at your art and drawings. I love drawing as well. We both have something in common, and I'm pleased we do.

I hope things are going well with your friend Adam Sabcoda [expand this]. Please tell him I'm happy that he is your best friend. I hope both of you have a great time together.

I read on your Facebook post that you liked Momo and fish! I know Momo [expand this], I've always wanted to taste it. I've never been to Nepal before, however I've heard it's a beautiful country. Some of my friends who have been to Nepal say that the local dish, Momo, is very delicious.

... The above is something to give you an idea on how to write a letter. I like your style, but you must remember to keep one idea to one paragraph, and expand on ideas. Also, you do not need to put each sentence on another line, only to separate it into paragraphs. Make sure that your writing is fluid, and flows. An example of this is when you said 'Plus, they said to me that Momo is very delicious' - you need to explain WHO 'they' are, and the use of 'plus' is quite awkward. You could reword it to say, 'The locals also told me that Momo is very delicious.' However, as a English as a second language student, it's very good :) Also, check your spelling.

Here are ways to make some of the expressions less awkward. These are phrases taken out of their sentences. I changed one or two words in the phrases so that they make more sense.

Otherwise, it looks great!

I hope this helps ^_^

are healthy

your final test

Even if you didn't get the score you wanted

my niece who now lives in England

I printed it

freezing cold

caught a cold

Also don't write a line and change the paragraph. It looks like a poem version of personal letter. COntinue on a same line until you need to change paragraph. usually there are 3-4 paragraph in a letter.

Dear .....,

Paragraph 1

Paragraph 2

Paragraph 3

Regards or with love ( If personal)

Your Name

Useful changes:

"Even if you didn't get the score you wanted, I'm still proud of you"

"I also caught the cold, but I am recovering."

"It is freezing cold in Korea"

"However, my niece who lives in England wrote a fairytale in English and is now a book."

Even though you didn't get the score you wanted, it's okay. --change to "If you didn't get the score you wanted, it's okay."

Also, your drawing is always fantastic. --change to "Your drawing is fantastic" or "Your drawings are always fantastic."

I've never been to Nepal before, but many times I've heard from people that Nepal is a beautiful country. --change to "I've never been to Nepal before, but I've heard that it is a beautiful country."

Plus, they said to me that Momo is very delicious. --change to "They also told me that Momo is very delicious."

It is true that I write fairy tales, but I write it in Korean, not English.--change to "It is true that I write fairy tales, but I write them in Korean, not English."

However, my niece who now live in England wrote the fairy tale in English and made it in a book.--change to "However, my niece who lives in England wrote a fairy tale in English and made it into a book."

Now it is really freezingly cold in Korea.--change to "Now it is very cold in Korea."

I also catched a cold, but now I am getting better.--change to "I also caught a cold, but I am getting better now."

How was you final test? = How was your final test?

conglatulations! = congratulations!

konw = know

who now live = who now lives

catched = caught