Just to let you know, my story is set in the 1950s, and its a fantasy.
David Fox-the youngest member of the gang, age 7. Living with his Jewish Grandparents felt like paradise for David, but perhaps too much paradise. His grandmother overly feeds him, and David has a sweet tooth, leaning towards gluttony. However, David longed for a break from his paradise and wanted to do dangerous stuff with his gang. He is the occasional crybaby, but he goes berserk when taunted for crying. He’s got a good aim, and can throw rocks right at his target. His Grandma spoils him because she felt that he will be sad of the memory of his dead parents, but she overdoes it and in truth, she is actually trying to hide her own grief by pampering David.
Christopher Mathews-the other young member of the gang, age 10. He’s African-American, occasionally lazy and prone to being moody. Both his laziness and moodiness stem from his pessimistic belief that ‘colored people’ will never gain wide acceptance, but this is also stemmed from his mistreatment the white bullies from his street. In truth, Chris is more unwilling, passive, and gives in out of fear, but he possesses a hidden strength to look out for his gang and his best friend David, whom he is close with. He has his moments of being funny, and he is clever.
(one person pointed out to me that I made Christopher into a stereotypical lazy African-American, and that David is something of Jewish stereotype, I think its because of him living with a typical 'Jewish Mother' Grandma. I would like to explain that she pampers him so he would not remember the sadness of his dead parents, and she tries to hide her own grief by pampering David. Chris is lazy in a more passive and cowardly way because of 'realistic' beliefs that Black people will never gain full equality no matter how little is progressed, people will always hate him because 'black is evil' as people would say).
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Actually, they sound very realistic to me.
i love it, very suspenseful now no longer expertise why she ought to flow there and why it is so maximum major that her mom now no longer realize. some concerns, on the very end he says no predicament and that i do no longer assume it matches the leisure of the communicate. the using stress also were given the following off to me as a worried guy, eyes darting round in any respect situations, continually paranoid. i do no longer comprehend if that's the way you wanted him to go back across even inspite of the truth that. also, previous you said you'll have began it over plenty, i can help with that. grab a pocket e book and easily write out each and every man or woman, each and every element about them, actual and psychological. That on my own took me 3 hours very last night time for the tale I fairly have even though it provides you with a miles more effective expertise of your characters and makes it a lot less puzzling to position in writing them and their possibilities. Then write out the ecosystem, plot, climax, and the completed stuff in between. i for my area ascertain each and each and every 2d previously than I even start up so I continually have someplace to go. Like what to they do after that, they flow suitable the following, and then this happens. it may help you to such plenty i swear it is valued on the time and attempt
Take this test:
http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm
It helps determine if your character is a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu. I also find it adds depth to my characters. It's a bit long, but worth it Make sure you read all of the instructions!
I think they sound very good :)