my husband is 27 and i am 26. we have been married for 6 months. recently. i have noticed that he watches porn without me. eveytime i go to put a DVD in the player, there is a porn in there. at first it didnt bother me because i figured, at least he isnt cheating. but the other day, i asked if we could watch the porn together and he acted like he didnt want to because he said it was pointless. basically because when he watches porn, he masturbates and thinks about the women in the movie! i was apalled! he quickly tried to cover his slip and told me it was too hard to concentrate on both me and the porn. i am a little concerned. i dont even want him thinking about sleeping with anyone else. i am 115 lbs., 5'3" , size D breasts, long hair, and attractive. why does he feel like he needs to watch porn? am i being too paranoid?
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You are being very paranoid, watching porn is not a big deal. Your husband just wants to fantasize about things he cant have. Don't worry he still loves you.
Some people have really high sexual drives, and they use porn as a release for it. Sometimes, their wives are tired when they come home from work. Being considerate, they don't want to wake them. If it doesn't negatively impact your sex life and you feel satisfied, then I would let it go. Try to be intimate more with him. Actively engage him. Talk about your fantasies together. Choose to act out some of the ones that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. Be confident. Also, try to watch it together some nights. You could, also, try to make an amateur tape with you and him for him.
I believe that men have this common problem. I am not saying this is ok but men do struggle with this. One thing I was reading last night was about False Intimacy. It's a book about those who struglle with sexual addiction. One of the things that could be happening is that when you are not interested in sex he could turn to porn to get satisfaction and relieve stress. He is not use to the thought of thinking about you and waiting and being patient. I feel men look at porn to relive stress. He needs to find productive ways of relieving stress not through porn. For me I am a Christian and I need to develop a relationship with God to tell him my frustrations. You need to find out what is stressing him out. I would check out the book False Intimacy by Dr. Harry Schaumburg.
He is probably thinking about other women when he is with you, just so you know. Not everyone does it, but if he is watching porn without you, and tells you he masterbates while thinking of them, then more than likely, he is thinking of them when he is having sex with you.
What you can do is watch a porn when he isn't home, like when he is coming through the door, have one in and watch it. Make it like its not big deal to watch it. If you want to watch it with him, how hard is it to concentrate on the porn and the girl? To me, when my girl and I watch it, we usually laugh at it. Then, we usually start fooling around, and ignore the movie. He probably seen the move 100 times, so what is he missing? Not much, he knows what is coming, no pun intended, so he could focus on you.
Oh, if you have a porn in, and if you are on the couch, naked, and masterbating, I am sure he will forget there is even a porn movie in the dvd player.
I will say this, if he is masterbating more and having sex with you less, this will be a huge problem later. A friend of mine who was really beautiful, DD, 5'4" and maybe 120, her husband would watch porn and masterbate instead of having sex with his wife! This led to her not being faithful and them ending up in divorce. They tried counselling, and the counsellor even said this wasn't a good thing, but the guy wouldn't talk about it. He left a wonderful woman behind, for what, an addiction.
All I can say is watch out. If he is having less sex with you, he might be addicted to porn, and you might seek counselling. If its starting now, get help before its too late.
Males were created to be promiscuous. This is why WE don't get pregnant. Its biology that makes him want to think about other women. I think its apalling that you dont support him in his desire to be faithful to you. Guys will not stop looking at porn, and women won't stop reading porn(romance novels). To summarize, yes you are being paranoid. He loves you, and he doesn't want to lower you down to the level of the porn whores on the dvd's.
Hello, Jenni.
I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but to tell you the truth, you might not be fulfilling your husband's sexual needs. His sexual expectations are apparently higher than most mens' sexual expectations.
Have you considered keeping him busier in bed? And maybe doing "more"? If you did, the likely result would be: He'd quit focusing his sexual energy on porn, and start focusing his sexual energy onto you.
And if you find porn in the DVD player, throw it away. If it's gone, he won't have anything to watch.
Also, I'd recommend telling him how you feel: Tell him that you're jealous and don't like his imagining himself having sex with other girls. He should understand.
One last thing: Ignore all the idiotic posters who are saying "it's no big deal." They're wrong; it IS a big deal. Looking at porn while being married is, indeed, blatant adultery, especially if it's against your will.
You probably are. I would say he was masturbating long before he met you. It has nothing to do with you. You sound like a really hot babe but men need alone time. When we watch porn and j/o we don't think about the person, its all about body parts. Give him space, he's not going to runaway with a porn star. He j/o for the pure pleasure of it. My wife understands and gives me room and I've been faithful to her for 40 yrs.
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