17 year old girl from Norway, now you know abit.

I fear I have ****** up school. In Norway, we have three years of high school. I'm in my second year now. Last year, I only had bad grades, and ended up in a depression, I believe around winter time. It got so bad I skipped an entire month of school, and lost 10 kgs. I shunned social contact with everyone and mostly sat in my room minding my own business (Still do, I really prefer being alone). My grades were horrible, and I was failing most subjects.

I decided to take an exchange year in the Netherlands, to be with my boyfriend, who lives here, the only reason I feel happiness nowadays. This is my second year of high school. I won't be getting many grades here. My problem is, have I ****** up school? What can I do? Last years grades were failing, and this year's grades are incomplete. I feel so unmotivated by school, just thinking about doing the same every single day makes me feel empty inside. I want to explore and learn the world, not stuff written in books I'll never need.

I never got help for my depression. I feel better now, I can communicate again, but I feel it's still there. I wonder how no one noticed I needed help, even after I lost 10 kgs. I never feel anything, it's almost like I'm blocking out everything by default. I have to really concentrate about the situation and how it makes me feel for it to have any impression on me. I don't remember the last time I was sincerely happy. The only one that makes me feel light-spirited is my boyfriend, and even then all the feelings are muted.

What can I do?