Okay....in the middle of last month (November) I asked on here about one of my best guy friends. This is my 2nd time today posting this because no one seems to want to give me advice=\. A quick recap: I'm 17 and a Senior in high school. He's 18 and a Freshman in college. We have known each other for about 2 years and get along really great. We talk pretty much about anything and everything. And I like him a lot. A lot a lot. He's everything that a girl would want and I can truly see myself being with him for years. We have so much in common and both are on our way to being successful. Most importantly, he likes me for who am I, loves every flaw that I don't like about myself and doesn't mind having a friendship/relationship with him being white and me being mixed with Native American and African American. But there is one problem: One night I was talking to him and I gave him a compliment. He said Thank you, but quickly added something negative about himself. He does this not a lot but pretty often.In my eyes, he basically put himself down and he's scared to love me. I got kind of upset because it seems like he pushed me away =\. The most recent time this happened which was in October I questioned him about it and made his arguments run in circles. It's like he saids something negative about himself, but doesn't know why he saids it? He's also a hard person to read.
I posted this question before asking what is wrong with him and why he does it. One person responded that I need to stop making it about me. Honestly, I'm not making it about me. I'm not that type of person. I was also told that it was insecurity and/or low self-esteem, but I only got 2 answers. It's just that it has been driving me crazy. I want to tell him I like him as in being boyfriend and girlfriend but I need more opinions. Why do you think he keeps doing this? Is he afraid of something? If it is low self-esteem is there any way that I can help him bring it up?
Some additional info: He's really protective over me. Even when he's busy, he makes sure that I'm okay even if we talk for about 5 minutes...and he tell me he loves me everyday, but I don't know how to take it because that phrase is used loosely. I know he's single because he tells me basically everything. Last time he was dating, the girl he was interested in just want a relationship just to mess around. He's in college in MA..I'm all the way in PA. I talk to him alot, now he's in college, over AIM. And I'm planning on telling him that I like him next time I talk to him this week, and hope for the best. =\
Sorry for the length =\
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Well, it sounds like he has low self-esteem
Or, he really just wants you to keep showering him with compliments
Guys have really big egos, so it wouldn't be hard to believe if he's putting himself down in the hopes that you keep bringing him back up
I think you should tell him that you like him
Because if you don't then soon it might be too late
Life changes really quickly and you don't want to miss out on that chance
Just make sure that the long-distance thing is something that you guys can handle
AIM cannot be used as your only source of communication for a relationship
It's more or less impersonal
It's fine for friends, but once you get past that, you can't rely on it
So unless you call him and see him in person as well, I highly doubt that relationship would last...
Also, him being in college now and you still in high-school is something on two different levels
It sounds like he really cares for you
But you're right, "I love you" is used way to loosely nowadays
So be careful
I hope that helps
Good Luck(:
I am sorry nobody has helped you yet. But i am not sure what you all need help with .If your right to tell him how you feel and put your heart on the line then do so. But asks him first how he feels about you and make him tell you with detail not just in one word. It will help you know what to say next. But he is in college and that's a big deal. He is making new friends. Why he puts him self down is because he wants to know you care everybody does this with people they are close to. He also may have a hard time seeing him self as a great, good looking guy So if you tell him so and tell him how you feel about him that could really help out with him being down on him self. I've met guys like this most of them are like this because they have been around other guys that stand out and make him stand in the back round.If people have put him down in his life that could be why. Or He could just do it because he has to make sure you care So he does it to check what your reaction is and if you say something nice or just say whatever.He could be scared to not be enough for any girl. It's sad you guys arent in the same place.
I really hope I've helped.
good luck.
Well I'm not sure what you're worried about, I often do what he does in my responses it's like a courtesy to flaw yourself in a way just to cope. He might have bdd which is body dismorphic disorder, where he hates certain physical aspects about himself always checking them or frowning upon those features. But in any case it's not serious nor is it a way of pushing you away from him, believe me.
You're relationship with him is almost exact with one of my friends whom is a girl. But as far as likes go we really respect each other, its a very strong friendship, very comfortable at that.
I suggest you tell him how you feel, it's not a life threatening situation you're in, either he feels the same way and has been finally waiting for you to express it. Or he explains his feelings on the contrary, but in the end you have a beautiful friendship that most people in this world have yet to experience.
You shouldn't dwell on a person so much, bad thoughts turn into worse thoughts and it's very stressfull on your mind.
Be patient, you can't read him because he doesn't want you to read him, he's independent, but very caring, you two may end up being a lovely couple. ;)
Him putting himself down may be symptomatic of an inferiority complex, it may just be his personality though. To me it seems like he thinks you as more of a little sister or a cousin, but don't get hung up on that my current girlfriend I had feelings like that for, they are very closely related and are almost interchangeable (unless they really are a little sister or cousin, then they kind of are set in stone). Tell him how you feel and that you want to try dating/relationship, worst case scenario is that it is a bit awkward a couple minutes. Also tell him this on the phone or in person NOT ON AIM.
Ok, this dude is just insecure.. chances are that's not going to change, no one can tell you why he acts like this.. I think it's because he knows he'll get attention from u .. just tell him how you feel.. but do you really feel like you can deal with his problems along with the distance.. make sure you're taking care of yourself first.. but I would bet anything he is into you.. trust me, I'm going through the exact same thing.. even if you don't select me as best answer I'm still interested to hear how it turns out.. hopefully in your favor... [email protected]
He has to open up more to you,and stop be insecure about his self, Guys feel like there not good enough some times, and really put them self down because of it
He's into you, deffinately.
you just need to tell him how you feel about him, come straight out with it. You could show him that you love everything about him, just like he does about you. Lift his self esteem by showing him how much he means to you.
best of luck
-girl
Stop going crazy on the details, are you guys even going out?
you sound complicated to me...
Look if he love you, go out with him if he can't take a compliment then it is his flaw.
Go with your heart and be ask your friends opnion they know you better than us, strangers...
He has low self-esteem issues obviously.
but he does like you. since he spends all that time thinking about you.
You two reeeealy need to talk. Like sit down and have a good
understanding about how you both feel.
wait-- but i dont think you mentioned you guys going out..lol
eh// idk. hope i helped a little..