ok, well here is the thing, my son just started kindergarten last week, one week of school and his teacher has called 3 times and offered 3 different "programs" she thinks he should be considered for...
she says that he has a little bit of trouble listening right away when she tells him to do something, he ran on the playground (apparently they cant "run" at recess), he talked too loud at the lunch table...little petty things like that and she wants him to go to counseling! HE'S 5!!!! and she wants him to go to some program for kids who have trouble with social skills which would cut into his class time (he's only there for 3 hrs a day)
im just really frustrated with her right now! he is an only child, we just moved to another state, and he has been excited for kindergarten for such a long time now i think he is just excited and needs to have a chance to settle in before the judgements get thrown out! i feel bad for him! she has taken away his recess twice already and made him sit with his head down on the table for such stupid little petty things! he told me tonight he doesnt feel like anyone wants him there! how sad is that!? he is not a bad kid!
oh and, she told me tonight she has someone watching him at the playground to see if she thinks he belongs in any special programs! i dont know what to do, i think he is just being a 5yr old boy! and once he gets the hang of things i know he will be fine but i swear one more phone call from this lady and im gonna go crazy on her! what should i do?? should i talk to the principal and tell him i feel like my son is being singled out!
and one more thing i offered to sit in on a class to see what goes on and she wont let me! i dont know what else to do! im not gonna put him in some stupid program for bad kids when they didnt even try to work with him!
Update:one more detail..i feel trapped and stressed because we live in a small town and there is only 1 school with 2 kindergarten teachers and moving is not an option because my husband is in the military...i think that is why i am feeling so defensive...i feel so bad for him!
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Do teachers earn points when they identify and/or send kids to "programs"?? Your poor boy is trying very hard considering all the changes happening in his environment. Plus he's a kid, he's bound to run, leap and play! Either that teacher is obsessive-compulsive or has low emotional quotient! Anyway I'm bashing her but I'm not really helping you. I just get so upset when kids are disregarded and singled out without even trying to encourage them in the first place!
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This quote talking about Michael Phelps - Olympian 8 time gold medalist:
In an August 13, 2008 TimesOnline article, his mother is quoted as saying, “In kindergarten I was told by his teacher, ‘Michael can’t sit still, Michael can’t be quiet, Michael can’t focus.’ I said, maybe he’s bored. The teacher said that was impossible. “He’s not gifted,” came back the reply. “Your son will never be able to focus on anything.”
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Have a meeting with the principal - have them hear your concerns this early on. Explain to her your situation (e.g. you just transfered state, your boy's really excited about going to school) and state your concerns/doubts/fears/suggestions and how they can assist you with regards to your boy. Given that kids must follow school policies, they are entitled to individual creativity and expression as well. I'd transfer him to a new school if they don't help you, the school probably sucks anyway :o)
Oh and your reward program is great! You are definitely a good mom.
Geez!!!
First off, I would definitely talk to the principal. Always, anytime you have any concern or doubt about your child's teacher- go to the principal!! That's what they're there for (partly anyway).
I would definitely bring up the fact that she won't allow you to sit in on a class! There should ALWAYS be an open-door policy wherever your children are- no matter where they are.
Geez! I can't believe this lady!! I wonder if any of the other parents in his class are having the same issues with her?? If so, then that is all the more reason to go to the principal cuz the school needs to be aware of problem teachers or they will remain a problem and possibly end up doing serious damage.
It sounds like your boy has had some big life changes recently, and that will definitely affect his attitude and behavior a little bit (I have experienced that with my own), but it really sounds like she is taking it wayyyy out of proportion!! Maybe he could use some play therapy or something like that, but not in school if he's only going 3 hours a day- that's not fair to him! And she shouldn't be so quick to judge and label him. Definitely go to the principal. And if you don't like what the principal has to say, or if there is no change in the teacher's behavior- take it to the school board. Or, if it's practical, go to a different school. I think changing schools should be a last resort tho, cuz that causes a lot of stress for kids, especially after a big move and such.
Good luck! I hope it turns out well for you guys!! :0)
I just saw your additional comments- and a reward program is a GREAT idea!! I do that with my kids and it works pretty well. Definitely let him choose the reward (your options but his choice). Make it something that you do together. And I would call and set up a meeting with the principal asap. They need to be aware of your concerns and the teacher's behavior.
You son is just a normal 5 year old boy! Why in the world can't they "RUN!!!" at recess? Shouldnt it be encouraged for health reasons and to get all that pent up energy out?! When I was in kindergarten everyone talked loud at the lunch table, we all talked over each other! I think the teacher is overreacting big time! I think most people are LOOKING for things to be wrong with kids, rather than them just being kids!
The fact that your son was so excited about kindergarten and now feel likes no one wants him there (ALREADY!!!) is a huge red flag! If it doesnt stop soon, he could have problems in the future, like feeling he isnt wanted, or that he is a bad kid.
It is also rediculous that you cant come in to observe him in class! I would think the teacher would welcome the help of the parent to try to sort things out!
I love your reward program, its great! But I dont know if it will work only because the teacher seems crazy and maybe your child was good at school but that crazy teacher said he wasnt, it could be confusing to your son.
I would have a serious talk with the principle, bring up ALL your concerns and make sure that you are informed of everything that goes on. Do not let him pass you off, make sure you get through and make your point. I wish you luck hun! I would be going crazy on that school!
Those programs aren't for "bad" kids, but hon, i don't see that anything is 'wrong with' your child... From what you say, he IS acting like a normal 5 year old child... nothing wrong with that!
If you have talked with the kindergarten teacher and told her what you said here -- that he is excited about kindergarten, all 5 year olds talk out of turn, and most five year olds are socially inept - hence, no social skills... how many 5 year olds would you take to The Grand Ball? I don't know any!
I'm really sorry you're going through this. If the kindergarten teacher isn't listening, you could always talk with the principal. Calmly explain the situation and let him know you feel your son is a normal five year old, and you feel the teacher is blowing things out of proportion. See what he says... you could also request the child changes teachers. This isn't fair to your son, and maybe there is some reason his current teacher isn't giving him the benefit of the doubt? He could remind her of someone she doesn't like, even. It's hard to tell, and very unfair to your son.
I was especially sad to hear that your son expressed concern about not being accepted in school. That's just awful.
I am hoping things will work out for you and that you get the opportunity to talk to the principal or even the school superintendent's office to see who could help you in their administrative offices. There has to be a good solution, and your son deserves to feel wanted.
hugs
Hi. I'm not a parent but I have a nephew that just started kindergarten and his teacher has done the same thing. I think that teachers today are only taught how to deal with the ideal "textbook child". Kids are kids, they run and play and scream and make messes. I don't think it would hurt at all if you talked to the principal in fact I think it would be a good idea. If anything he has to get accustomed to just being in school period but he's not gonna stop being a kid just because he's there! Making him sit out on recess and feel like nobody wants him there is not helping him to develop and I think it could possibly cause him to have problems in the future instead of correcting the invisible ones that she's claiming he may have now.
Yes, talk to the principal. Unfortunately, the schools expect everyone to fit into the same little box and behave the same way when, in fact, these little people are as individual as you and I. It's OK for her to have someone evaluating the students to determine if there are kids in the class who could benefit from some OT or social development, but that doesn't mean that you have to buy into it if they choose your son. There are so many federal dollars that the schools get when they have kids in their various special classes, so they may just be trying to up their dollars or this teacher may be a little touchy about kids who don't fit the mold she wants.
Talk to the principal and explain that you are concerned your son is being singled out. Put in writing that there is to be NO discipline, not even recess suspension without you being informed of the specific behavior and circumstances. Explain that you do discipline him at home and you are not opposed to discipline, but you think it has gotten out of control at the school. You can also request that he be moved to another teacher who better understands boys.
Work with the school and be open to some of their suggestions. If you want them to work with you, then you will also have to be flexible. Tell them that if they recommend specific activities or classes for your children, you want to know exactly what their recommendation is based on, what they are recommending, and how it is meant to help.
The behaviors you described are not unusual, nor inappropriate. Running is healthy for kids at recess and some kids need that level of activity in order to function in a classroom. Prohibiting him from doing it can further make the situation worse. Explain this to the teacher and principal together. If she has called you 3 times in the first couple weeks of school, she needs to go back to her assistant teaching days and re-learn how to work with kids.
I would be looking at other kindergarten programs immediately. Or I would request the principal put him in another Kindergarten class if they have one. There are a lot of BS new rules for recess, no running, No touching another child, no talking loud, no laughing loud. Stupid stuff. Find out what the rules at this school are. He will have to learn to abide by them.
I kind of understand the teacher not wanting you in the classroom. It IS school and one of the structures is that Moms only come at designated times. It is not like preschool or daycare in that aspect. If she let you, she would have let every mom in the class sit in and that could be disruptive.
I think this teacher is not wanting to deal with bright, active child who is not easily contained.
Sending him to 'programs' is her way out. But your son does not need 'special' programs. He needs to have a week or so to settle down. You need to be reinforcing his good behaviors and help him with the things he is having problems with. Schools are way over the top about security. Any behavior that can be seen as potentially out of control gets corralled fast. Please have a talk wth her and the principal to air your concerns.
The teacher is over reacting but times are crazy. A kindergartner in Colorado or Wyoming, I forget which, got expelled for bringing a handgun for show and tell. Mummy was watching TV and not watching her child. )
It doesn't sound like you are in denial. It sounds like you know your son and his behavior and that the teacher is making a big deal out of it. My son started kindergarten mid August and loves it. I volunteer two days a week in the classroom and I really enjoy it. I would talk to someone in the administrative office about sitting in. At my son's school they welcome all the help they can get and encourage parents to come in and observe. They're also allowed to run on the playground and act like normal five year olds. Singling him out like that and making him keep his head down doesn't seem right. If you end up feeling like you have tried everything, either switch teachers or move him to a new school.
I also have a five year old boy in kindergarten so I feel your pain/frustration!!! Like your son, mine is an only child and is also "all boy". According to his teacher, he is having problems listening, keeping his hands to himself and following directions (he IS five, but that excuse will only work for so long). I have been blessed with a teacher who is willing to work with my son and me to help him succeed in her classroom. That being said, his first visit to the principal's office was YESTERDAY!!! Ours is a very frustrating situation for EVERYONE involved - parents, students, teachers and administrators. I truly believe the ONLY WAY to make it better is to work together as a team - we all want the same thing - the best situation for all of our kids.
I don't blame you for being upset that your son's teacher had a "playground observation" without contacting you first - I am sure she was seeking independent confirmation of her initial observation(s) BUT her doing so is kind of like blindsiding you - I would have been more than a little bit upset myself. That being said, please don't be put off by the teacher's offer of special programming - approach it with an open mind - there is no doubt that some (if not most) kids could benefit from specialized, small group training to help them learn or enhance skills.
Social and academic skills are the building blocks that will help our kids succeed in school and in life. Kindergarten is a mob of little people just getting started - they come from different backgrounds and have different skill sets when they arrive in the classroom. Would you rather your child get some extra attention now to help him develop his skills more quickly, or would you rather his needs be ignored and for him to get lost in the shuffle? Providing a child with a strong foundation in his early years is so very important - he could spend years "catching up" or trying to overcome self esteem issues that are so often the result of classroom difficulties.
Starting kindergarten is stressful, both for you and for him. So is moving, having a husband/father in the service, meeting new people and missing old friends. I would be really surprised if anyone in that situation wasn't having some issues - so what is wrong with having someone help him iron out the wrinkles and feel better about where he is and what he is doing? I know this isn't easy, but try not to look at this as someone saying there is anything "wrong" with your son. Try switching gears and looking at this in a more positive light if you can. These people are professionals - we may not always agree with them, but we can use their knowledge and guidance to help us figure out the best ways to help our children grow and develop. Educate yourself about the options (you DO know your child better than anyone else) and use these folks to help guide him into being a happy, well-rounded member of his new group of friends.
I think your reward system is a great positive step forward for you both. I have found that focusing on successes rather than dwelling on the negatives is a great way to get moving in a more positive direction. Now I just have to get over the fact that it took only three weeks for my precious, rambunctious, loving little monkey to have to go and speak with the principal... Better days ARE just around the corner, right??? Let's hope this is true for all of us!!!
after ONE WEEK? she's crazy!
I'd switch teachers, or schools, or talk to the principal. The child is 5. You can work with him at home to help him understand the rules of school! But things like this can't be learned in 1 week.
Hang in there mom!! Use your best instincts.