Hi. I am thinking of including either sentence 1 or 2 in a law personal statement. Please suggest which sentence sounds better. Thanks
***SENTENCE 1***
"I believe that this degree will benefit towards a future career in commercial law."
***SENTENCE 2***
"I feel that the knowledge gained through the LLM degree will be a valuable asset in a career associated with commercial law."
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Verified answer
The second sentence is better, though not great.
The first sentence is awkward and grammatically incorrect. It should read:
I believe that this degree will be beneficial in the pursuit of a career in commercial law.
I would change the second sentence to read:
The knowledge gained from the LLM degree will be a valuable asset in a career in commercial law.
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In my opinion, I would say Sentence 1 sounds better. Although it is important to be creative in one's writing and use a variety of word, I think sentence 2 has too many "creative words". Sentence 1 is brief yet creative.