I am including either sentence 1 or 2 in a law personal statement. I feel that the following sentences may seem awkward. Please feel free to suggest which sentence sounds better and any alternate sentence. Thanks.
***SENTENCE 1***
"During my first BSC (Honours) degree in Computer Science and Business Administration, I learned business management skills that are applicable to commmercial organizations."
***SENTENCE 2***
"During my first BSC (Honours) degree in Computer Science and Business Administration, I developed a strong foundation of business management skills."
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Verified answer
My BSC (Honours) degree in Computer Science and Business Administration gives me a solid foundation in business management skills.
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I developed a strong foundation of business management skills during my work for a BSC (Honours) degree in Computer Science and Business Administration.
Sentence 2. Lose the "(Honours)". Either BSC Honours or just BSC. Also, how did you develop the foundation? i.e. ..I developed a strong foundation of business management skills by... or through...
Sentence 1
The word "foundation" sounds a bit misplaced in a what I assume to be your cover letter; use the 1st sentence. Also, you need to write WHICH are applicable, NOT that are applicable, because that is only used when the words following it can be detached as a complete sentence. Because "applicable commercial organization" is not a complete sentence, use which INSTEAD of that. Just in case anyone who reads your letter is a big grammar stickler
"While taking my first BSC degree in Computer Science and Business Administration I developed a strong foundation of business management skills."
That is how I would word it :)